A lady is in dilemma. Her husband to be is mandating that after their traditional marriage, she’ll have to close down her bank account and use his own. She isn’t permitted to have a personal or different account. And he’s so bent on this, so much that he advises her to leave now if she won’t submit all her money to him in marriage, and their marriage is supposed to be in two weeks time.
I read comments on the thread questioning those who asked her to leave, that she’s not submissive. Some postulated that she should marry him first and talk it out in marriage.
This is very dicey.
There’s a culture of talking about it in marriage rather than before marriage. This culture prevails in the African society. You’re in relationship with someone that flashes you red flags & all the dangerous signs before marriage but friends & family will still advice you to go ahead and marry such a person that getting married to them will make them change & be responsible. We manipulate people, especially ladies to get married by just any way. No consideration of future implications.
I am so much a fan of “talk about it all before marriage”. Discuss about everything that’d happen in marriage. This is the purpose of dating/courting. Talking. Asking questions. Interviewing your partner. All to know if their perspectives accommodate yours, because if you both have lots of contradictory opinions, polarisation will be close.
It’s a pity that this lady didn’t even discuss finance with her prospective husband till it popped up just few weeks to marriage. Everything is supposed to be settled before marriage is agreed on. You must be sure.
Now, I support she leaves the man. Even if it’s a day to the marriage. Marriage is too serious to delve into it with uncertainty and conflict of interest.
Why should a man request his wife transfers all her money to him and closes down her account?
And subsequently in marriage, her income will be at his feet for determination of how it’ll be expensed.
This is domestic tyranny. This is just a slave master not a husband.
What again is marriage?
Loving a woman and committing to her or controlling her?
I’m not against having a joint account. It’s okay but consent must be mutual. Understanding must be established. Voluntarily not with coercion.
But a woman having to work for a month, or do whatever she does to earn a living, then at the end of it all, she submits her salary to you because you’re her husband is a stupid thing to do.
No reasonable man does that.
One who works should enjoy and keep his/her money. What nonsense submission is that?
Many times when I read stories or messages from people, I cringe. Honestly many men are grown up babies, and many grown up women are so naived & lack common sense. They make me feel like a little child is more ready for marriage than they are, even if they are older, and financially ahead.
Wome Reserved.
HUSBAND NOT MASTER
A lady is in dilemma. Her husband to be is mandating that after the traditional marriage, she’ll have to close down her bank account and use his own. She isn’t permitted to have a personal or different account. And he’s so bent on this, so much that he advises her to leave now if she won’t submit all her money to him in marriage, and their marriage is supposed to be in two weeks time.
I read comments on the thread questioning those who asked her to leave, that she’s not submissive. Some postulated that she should marry him first and talk it out in marriage.
This is very dicey.
There’s a culture of talking about it in marriage rather than before marriage. This culture prevails in the African society. You’re in relationship with someone that flashes you red flags & all the dangerous signs before marriage but friends & family will still advice you to go ahead and marry such a person that getting married to them will make them change & be responsible. We manipulate people, especially ladies to get married by just any way. No consideration of future implications.
I am so much a fan of “talk about it all before marriage”. Discuss about everything that’d happen in marriage. This is the purpose of dating/courting. Talking. Asking questions. Interviewing your partner. All to know if their perspectives accommodate yours, because if you both have lots of contradictory opinions, polarisation will be close.
It’s a pity that this lady didn’t even discuss finance with her prospective husband till it popped up just few weeks to marriage. Everything is supposed to be settled before marriage is agreed on. You must be sure.
Now, I support she leaves the man. Even if it’s a day to the marriage. Marriage is too serious to delve into it with uncertainty and conflict of interest.
Why should a man request his wife transfers all her money to him and closes down her account?
And subsequently in marriage, her income will be at his feet for determination of how it’ll be expensed.
This is domestic tyranny. This is just a slave master not a husband.
What again is marriage?
Loving a woman and committing to her or controlling her?
I’m not against having a joint account. It’s okay but consent must be mutual. Understanding must be established. Voluntarily not with coercion.
But a woman having to work for a month, or do whatever she does to earn a living, then at the end of it all, she submits her salary to you because you’re her husband is a stupid thing to do.
No reasonable man does that.
One who works should enjoy and keep his/her money. What nonsense submission is that?
Many times when I read stories or messages from people, I cringe. Honestly many men are grown up babies, and many grown up women are so naived & lack common sense. They make me feel like a little child is more ready for marriage than they are, even if they are older, and financially ahead.
Women shine your eyes. You need husbands, not masters.
Very true dear nice write up
You are actually right. But unfortunately, so many people won’t still listen.
Good
No reasonable man does that
Nice advice
The way some me tend to be so domineering these days is alarming
I know of one who doesn’t let the wife work…says it’s better to be a full time house wife ..in this era..smh
Nice write up
A real man does not do that
Men are not the same though is only a few does that
A real man cannot do that kind thing
Marriage is something we need to understand first before going into it
Nice
Good idea and then Loving a woman and committing to her or controlling her.
Any man planning to go into marriage must be fully prepared
Trust no man
A woman should know what she wants in a man….some women marry for the wrong reasons …define your ultimate goal as a lady before settling for an animal instead of a husband with the rest of God
Always try and read the red light in relationship and take caution
Understanding must be established
Thanks for this useful information.
Right
You’re right. That’s why it’s not good to rush into marriage. Don’t let anyone put you in pressure.
I have always advocated for dating your partner before saying YES. All that glitters are not Gold.
This is what is happening in dis our century women, ladies needs to be enlighten more
FOR THE MARRIED WOMEN AND THOSE INTENDING TO GET MARRIED, LISTEN & TAKE HEED!! Husband does not mean the male partner in a marriage, husband means master.
Nawa ooh but you are very right. No reasonable man does that.
Thanks for sharing, it is informative.
I wish we ladies would implement this, is not all about reading it
Thanks for sharing
Thanks for this word if man dey reasonable he can’t such thing
These are very important to ladies and gentlemen who are to engage in marriage and those yet to
Some of our ladies who rush into marriage end up falling into the hands of this masters…who using them as a buching bag,,which results to broken homes,, wow what a beautiful information…
Things need to change because we are in the 21st century .
Is better to quit the marriage immediately he told you that…husband and wife suppose to run separate bank account and joint account only for buying properties and family wants
consideration of future implications.
Thanks for the useful update dear
This is true
That’s encouraging keep it up
That’s encouraging keep it up
Thank for your encouragement
Good information
But unfortunately, so many people won’t still listen.
This is inpressive and have learnt so
It’s really educative keep up the good work
Unfortunately, so many people won’t listen.
But keep up the good work
Good and interesting information
Very interesting
Marriage is responsibility not a competition
I love this. I wish women of this generation will start standing up for their selves more instead of being in bondage all in the name of marriage.
Is very important to know who you want to call husband or wife, don’t just jump into marriage,Vey very important
Very interesting
Thanks for sharing this, it will go a long way for me
Good and interesting information
So interesting
Let’s debate on
Thanks for sharing
So interested
Nice
Good article that is how some women suffer in the name of marriage
Nawa. Marriage palava
This is interesting
This was helpful
Insightful.
Good
Wow good advice every woman deserves happiness, #BornQueen
Abi oh